The Other Side of Love: Nurturing Desire in Committed Relationships

The Other Side of Love: Nurturing Desire in Committed Relationships

As a love and relationships psychology guru, I have seen many couples struggling with keeping the spark alive in their committed relationships. It’s not uncommon for couples to experience a decrease in desire and passion after being together for a long time. However, I firmly believe that desire can be nurtured and reignited in committed relationships.

My Personal Experience with Nurturing Desire in Committed Relationships

Having been in a committed relationship for over a decade, I understand firsthand the challenges of keeping the desire and passion alive. My partner and I have had our fair share of ups and downs, but we have always made a conscious effort to prioritize our relationship and nurture our desire for each other.

One of the things that has worked for us is keeping the element of surprise alive. We make an effort to plan surprise dates and adventures for each other, which keeps things exciting and unpredictable. We also prioritize physical intimacy and make time for it regularly, even when life gets busy.

In this article, I will share my insights and tips on how to nurture desire in committed relationships, based on my personal experience and expertise in love and relationships psychology.

Understanding the Other Side of Love

Love and desire are two different things that are often intertwined in a committed relationship. Love is the deep emotional connection that couples share, while desire is the physical and sexual attraction that keeps the relationship exciting and passionate. It is important to differentiate between the two and understand the role of desire in a committed relationship.

Differentiating Between Love and Desire

In the initial stages of a relationship, desire is often strong and intense. Couples are physically attracted to each other and cannot seem to get enough of each other. However, as the relationship progresses and love deepens, desire may begin to fade. This can be due to a variety of reasons, such as stress, lack of time, or simply becoming too comfortable with each other.

It is important to understand that love and desire are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they can work together to create a fulfilling and passionate relationship. Love provides the emotional connection that allows couples to feel safe and secure with each other, while desire adds the excitement and passion that keeps the relationship alive.

The Importance of Nurturing Desire in Committed Relationships

Nurturing desire in a committed relationship is essential to keeping the spark alive. It requires effort and intentionality from both partners, but the rewards are worth it. Here are a few ways to nurture desire in a committed relationship:

  • Communicate openly and honestly about your needs and desires
  • Make time for intimacy and prioritize it in your relationship
  • Try new things together and keep things exciting in the bedroom
  • Focus on the positive aspects of your partner and express your appreciation for them

It is important to remember that desire may ebb and flow in a committed relationship, but it can always be rekindled with effort and intentionality. By acknowledging the importance of desire and taking steps to nurture it, couples can create a fulfilling and passionate relationship that lasts a lifetime.

Factors that Affect Desire in Committed Relationships

Committed relationships require effort and constant nurturing to maintain the spark of desire between partners. However, several factors can affect desire, leading to a decline in physical intimacy and emotional connection. Understanding these factors is essential in nurturing desire and sustaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship. The following are some of the factors that affect desire in committed relationships:

Stress and Anxiety

Stress and anxiety can take a toll on desire in committed relationships. When one partner is stressed or anxious, they may not be in the mood for physical intimacy. Moreover, stress and anxiety can lead to fatigue and irritability, making it difficult to connect emotionally with a partner. To overcome this, couples can engage in stress-reducing activities such as exercise, meditation, or seeking professional help.

Routine and Familiarity

Another factor that affects desire in committed relationships is the routine and familiarity that comes with being in a long-term relationship. Couples may fall into a pattern of predictability, leading to a lack of spontaneity and excitement. This can lead to boredom and a decline in desire. To overcome this, couples can try new things together, such as traveling, exploring new hobbies, or engaging in role-playing and other sexual fantasies.

Lack of Communication

Communication is essential in nurturing desire in committed relationships. A lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a decline in emotional and physical intimacy. Couples must communicate openly and honestly about their needs, desires, and expectations. This can help to build trust, intimacy, and a deeper connection.

Negative Body Image

Negative body image can also affect desire in committed relationships. When one partner feels self-conscious about their body, they may avoid physical intimacy, leading to a decline in desire. To overcome this, couples can work on building each other’s confidence and self-esteem. They can also engage in activities that promote body positivity, such as exercise, healthy eating, and self-care.

Understanding these factors that affect desire in committed relationships is essential in nurturing a healthy, fulfilling relationship. By addressing these issues and working together, couples can overcome challenges and maintain a strong, intimate connection.

Nurturing Desire in Committed Relationships

Being in a long-term committed relationship can be a beautiful thing, but it can also come with its own set of challenges. One of the most common challenges is maintaining desire and intimacy over time. It’s easy to fall into a routine and forget to prioritize your relationship, but it’s important to make an effort to keep the spark alive. Here are some tips on how to nurture desire in committed relationships:

Prioritizing Intimacy

Intimacy is a crucial component of any romantic relationship. However, it can be easy to let it fall by the wayside in the midst of busy schedules and everyday stressors. One way to prioritize intimacy is to schedule regular date nights or weekend getaways with your partner. This can help you reconnect and create new memories together. Additionally, making time for physical touch, such as holding hands or cuddling, can help maintain a sense of closeness even during busy times.

Trying New Things

Routine can be comforting, but it can also lead to boredom and complacency. Trying new things together can help reignite the spark in your relationship. This can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or taking a dance class together. Exploring new experiences and activities can create a sense of adventure and excitement, which can translate to increased desire and passion in the relationship.

Communicating Your Desires

Communication is key in any relationship, and this is especially true when it comes to desire and intimacy. It’s important to be open and honest with your partner about your needs and desires. This can be a vulnerable conversation, but it can also lead to a deeper understanding and connection. Additionally, asking your partner about their desires and preferences can help you better understand what they need to feel desired and fulfilled in the relationship.

Working on Your Self-Confidence

Self-confidence plays a big role in desire and intimacy. If you don’t feel confident in yourself, it can be difficult to feel desirable and attractive to your partner. Working on your self-confidence can involve a variety of things, such as practicing self-care, setting personal goals, and challenging negative self-talk. When you feel confident in yourself, it can translate to increased desire and passion in your relationship.

  • Prioritizing intimacy
  • Trying new things
  • Communicating your desires
  • Working on your self-confidence

By prioritizing intimacy, trying new things, communicating your desires, and working on your self-confidence, you can nurture desire and maintain a strong, passionate relationship with your partner.


Overall, it is important to understand the other side of love and to nurture desire in committed relationships. While love is a crucial component of any relationship, desire is equally important for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership. By being intentional about creating space for desire, couples can reignite the spark that brought them together in the first place.

Throughout my years of experience as a love and relationships psychology guru, I have seen firsthand how neglecting desire can lead to feelings of boredom and disconnection in a relationship. However, by prioritizing intimacy and making an effort to keep things exciting, couples can deepen their emotional connection and create a stronger bond.

Take Action

If you are in a committed relationship and feel that desire has been lacking, it’s never too late to take action. Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your desires and what you both can do to cultivate more intimacy. Try new things together, prioritize quality time, and make an effort to keep the romance alive.

Remember, nurturing desire is an ongoing process that requires effort and intentionality. By prioritizing this aspect of your relationship, you can create a stronger and more fulfilling partnership that will stand the test of time.


  • Burns, D. D. (1989). The feeling good handbook: Using the new mood therapy in everyday life. New York, NY: William Morrow and Company, Inc.
  • Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers.
  • Schnarch, D. (2011). Intimacy & desire: Awaken the passion in your relationship. New York, NY: Beaufort Books.

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